What to Say When Your Tween Feels Left Out by Friends
Friendship ups and downs feel huge at this age. Right now she needs you to listen. These steps help you comfort her and plan next steps together.
Open this guide in the free app →
Step 1 · You first
Take one breath
Take a slow breath. This might bring up your own memories. Right now she needs you to listen more than she needs a solution.
Step 2 · Say this
Try words like these
“That really hurts. Being left out is such a hard feeling.”
“I'm so glad you told me.”
“Do you want my advice, or do you just want to vent right now?”
Pick one. Say it slowly, in your own voice.
Step 3 · Gentle swaps
Things that tend to backfire
Bad-mouthing the other girls (they may be friends again next week)
“Just find new friends” or “Ignore them”
Texting the other parents right away without asking her
Step 4 · Next
What to do next
- Listen to the whole story first. Repeat back what you hear.
- Help her name the feeling: hurt, embarrassed, jealous, confused?
- Brainstorm together: who else does she enjoy? What would she like to happen?
- Plan something that helps her feel connected: time with a cousin, a club, a fun day with you.
Step 5 · Later
Circle back later
Check in a day or two later: “How are things with the girls?” Remind her what makes her a great friend. If the unkindness keeps happening, the school counselor is a great teammate, and you can go together.